It's not just that I wouldn't change him....It's more that I'm sad if I think that he could have been ordinary.

I've been reading blogs and posts about how they wouldn't "change their baby with down syndrome for anything".   I want to agree with that, but it's more than that for me.  I have a very active daydreaming imagination.  I can think about someone dying and be crying in 10 minutes like it really happened.  So as I started imagining Si not having Down Syndrome, I was so sad.  It felt like I was being robbed of my future with him.  Like all my dreams I have dreamed for him and our future was lost.  I have a dream that Si and I will someday own a Toyota Tacoma truck and he and I will drive around town together in this truck that we will both love.  I think about teaching him to drive it.  When I imagined him not having DS.... well, that would be crazy.  He wouldn't want to hang out with me and spend time riding around in a dumb truck with his mom.  That's just one of things I see in our future.  I dream about what God will do with Si's life... of how He will use him to change people to change His world.  I have these dreams about all my kids, but I love how with Si, I can count on being a big part of it.  I'll have this front row seat to it.

I know parents go through a "mourning" for the child that he dreamed of, when they find out about a DS diagnosis.  I must have done the same thing to some extent, but I wish I could convey how incredible it is to have had this unexpected awesomeness thrown our way.  So now, I have this reverse "mourning" for a child I'm so thankful I don't have.  That's cheesy, right?  But it's also truth.  Like I've written before....  I thank God, literally, every time I pick Si up.

 I know these little people feel the same way.  

What would we do if we weren't teaching this little guy how to crawl, hug and say "more".  

Si and his best Friend.

Getting' Ready for The Big Day!

I'm getting excited for our first DS Day where we are not in a daze.  I'm prepared with these handy dandy post cards to help spread the word and the cuteness.  Pin and Post to help bring awareness and acceptance to all the individuals with Down Syndrome.  Si is Loved, Respected and We are striving to bring him Full Inclusion in his Community.

"Special Ability"

We were blessed to go to the Near His Heart dinner the other night in Auburn. It is a yearly dinner for families with children with special needs. We had an incredible time and were overwhelmed by the hospitality and love that was displayed by these volunteers.  All 4 kids went to their own childcare. I had talked to Ian and lily before hand, like I always do when we go to these events, to remember their manners and to be patient and kind to everyone.  They affirmed my request and ran off excitedly.   Rob and I attended the dinner and listened to the speaker, who has a son with Down syndrome.  I really can't put into words our experience.  It was amazing and doubly amazing that Rob only tried to cry 3 times. So after picking the kids up from their 3 hour vbs type experience, we piled in the car and I asked Ian first, "Did you meet any kids with special needs? And tell me about it".  He said yes and told about a boy  he hung out with and for what I could put together, he was autistic.  So Ian had a good time.

Lily was next. She said "Well, I did play with some kids but I don't know what their Special Ability was!"  That did it.  The show Glee used the phrase "handicapable" and I loved that. But this is it!  We now refer to it as "Special Ability" or maybe even "Super Ability" :)  Leave it to Lily to teach us again.

Just some quickies....

Just a few little pictures that I had to post.  

 So, we are new to an intergenerational Life Group at church.  I love it because the kids are studying with us.  His is Si and one of the Elders of our church and Life Group Leader, praying.  Just about the most precious thing I've seen.

 My oldest and youngest.  They are so handsome and so sweet.  They love each other so very much too.

 Si's first time to pull up to his knees in the crib!  I was, literally, jumping for joy. :)  Now for crawling....

 Lily and Si.  He is the ONLY person she will cuddle with. :)

One of my favorite pictures of my newest favorite guy and my original favorite guy.  This is my brother and Si at his birthday party.  Ever since we have been in Montgomery, my brother has made a point to come to every birthday party we have for the kids.  As we have added to our number, that is no small feat.  He is at every party and if we don't have a party, he comes bearing gifts.... not only for the birthday kid, but for ALL of the kids.  So he has requested that we quit having kids. :)  I love him so much and I love how he loves my babies.  He always spoiled me so I guess it's only right for the spoiling to continue.

 Our buddy, Addi, and Si playing at her house.

Poor red cheeks when the weather was so cold and windy. :(

We'd try to love him.

We were all in the car coming home from school.  So, every once in a while it comes up about Si having Down Syndrome.  I'm not sure the exact conversation train, but I ended up saying...

"What if Si didn't have Down Syndrome?"

Ian and Lily:  (almost the exact words and timing)  "Oh! I'd still love him anyway!"

I wasn't expecting that... Lily is always in disbelief when she remembers me telling her that 90% of people who find out their baby has down syndrome abort them.  She usually bluntly says, "The people kill their babies, just because they have down syndrome?!"  I am a little more tactful and politically correct than that...  I always tell her not to speak so harsh about people "killing" babies.... that all we are responsible for is showing people how cool it is to have a baby with Down Syndrome.  We can show people that Si is just like any other baby, but just..... well... cuter.  She loved that.  She usually is the one that brings us back to reality that Si isn't the cutest baby in the world.  She says, "mom, some people in other countries have cute babies and they think their baby is the cutest.... they haven't seen Si before, so they say the same thing about their baby."
She's very logical.

So I thought when I asked that question... What is Si didn't have Down Syndrome?  that I would get something like.... well I don't know... I guess something.  The more I try to think of an answer, the dumber the question seems.

Anyway, My point is.... my kids are so awesome.  That's all I wanted to say with this post.

And, we would all still love Si, even if he didn't have Down Syndrome.  We'd try to love him, anyway....

One Year Ago....

...my family's life was changed.  This little guy entered our life and turned it upside down.  We thought we knew what it was to love.... we thought we knew what it was to accept....  we thought we knew what it was to trust in the Lord.

We knew a little.... but now we know a little more.

This guy has changed our lives' in ways that we aren't even aware of yet.  I just know that, like with each child we've been blest with before... we each smile a little more, love a little more and kiss a little more often.  I love seeing Ian, Lily and Seth become better humans each day.  I feel like God has blest me with a tiny "cheat sheet" for raising them.  Si has caused them to think twice while looking at people with disabilities.  He has them thinking beyond themselves.  He has them longing to care for him, to defend him, to teach him and to show him everything in this world.  Through this year we have gone from being scared of what the future holds to being so excited about what is ahead for us.

This baby is more than our baby... he is who Rob and I will grow old with... and we thank God for it. 

Happy Birthday to my little Man!

Happy Birthday, Si.

First Tooth

Rob has been telling me for days that it looked like Si was about to get a tooth.  I didn't think anything about it.  I guess because he is almost 1 and seems more like a 6 month old.  I thought I was ready for him to go at his own speed as far as development.  I'm a goal girl and I was ready for all these goals that we'd be striving for.... but it is taking so long!  He's not crawling.  He's not moving from lying down to sitting or vice versa.  I have to admit that I was getting frustrated.  That's hard to admit because I love this guy more than I can even express.  He is my heart.  I, literally, thank God for him every time I pick him up.  But I watch all the babies he was born with crawl and walk and I want him to hurry up!  When I sit and pray, I know that it does no good to rush him.  He will crawl.  He will walk.  He will do all these things.  This was confirmed yesterday in a weird small way.  He has a tooth.  He has developed.  He is like all his friends.  I didn't think I was so ignorant of that.  But I have never been so excited about a first tooth!  I felt that little dagger and was so happy!  I just needed that little confirmation that he is growing up.  He is at his own pace.  

He also will crawl...

He is slowly, but surely growing.

I know I'll look back and wish it went even slower.