I've been reading blogs and posts about how they wouldn't "change their baby with down syndrome for anything". I want to agree with that, but it's more than that for me. I have a very active daydreaming imagination. I can think about someone dying and be crying in 10 minutes like it really happened. So as I started imagining Si not having Down Syndrome, I was so sad. It felt like I was being robbed of my future with him. Like all my dreams I have dreamed for him and our future was lost. I have a dream that Si and I will someday own a Toyota Tacoma truck and he and I will drive around town together in this truck that we will both love. I think about teaching him to drive it. When I imagined him not having DS.... well, that would be crazy. He wouldn't want to hang out with me and spend time riding around in a dumb truck with his mom. That's just one of things I see in our future. I dream about what God will do with Si's life... of how He will use him to change people to change His world. I have these dreams about all my kids, but I love how with Si, I can count on being a big part of it. I'll have this front row seat to it.
I know parents go through a "mourning" for the child that he dreamed of, when they find out about a DS diagnosis. I must have done the same thing to some extent, but I wish I could convey how incredible it is to have had this unexpected awesomeness thrown our way. So now, I have this reverse "mourning" for a child I'm so thankful I don't have. That's cheesy, right? But it's also truth. Like I've written before.... I thank God, literally, every time I pick Si up.
I know these little people feel the same way.
What would we do if we weren't teaching this little guy how to crawl, hug and say "more".
Si and his best Friend.
