The Life of Si
I was off of Facebook for a long time... but I want to do all I can to spread awareness for my little guy and all his friends...so I'm on. Like him and keep liking him... post and share to help spread the word! I'll also update the page whenever I have a new post on here! So.... See you there!!!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
He answers Prayers.
I know this because.... I prayed for Si. I didn't remember it right away, but as I was watching him this morning.. and when I watch him, I also feel God, so I remembered about 2 years ago.
A friend and I were driving home from somewhere. (I don't recall where) We were talking about other friends and their God given mission for their life. We were wondering where our "mission" was. We were envious (in a good way) of their passions in life. They had a "calling", I guess you might say. God had placed something on their heart or in their life. Anyway, we wanted one. I remember us both deciding to pray for it. I did. I prayed for several weeks. I knew were I had been passionate all my life, but I didn't know how to make it a "calling". I began to want one desperately. One of my closest friends had adopted and I had prayed with her before even starting the first adoption for weeks that her path would lead to adopting. We prayed, with others, that God would put a little girl in her family. He was faithful. He was faithful and second time. She continues in her passion to make adoption a way of life in His Church. I have other friends that are passionate about caring for the grieving. They have lost and are passionate for bringing hope to others.
So, I knew my loves and my passions. I have always had something inside me that has a love for other cultures and races. I believe God put that in me. So, I got involved in the ministries that bring me in contact with my loves. My brother has lived with HIV for many years. I have a desire to bring understanding and a love for people with AIDS. Homosexuality and HIV is something I have been a part of since I was a child and I have a strong desire to show love and hope to people in that area.
So I have not been passionless.... I just have lacked ... well, something... I know, now, it was someone.
Those 2 years ago I prayed and prayed. I was pregnant. I was devastated by the loss of that baby. Even more so than the 2 other losses before. Then I was pregnant again. I didn't pray for this one. I prayed, selfishly, for me. Other's prayed for him. When I finally started praying for him, I was praying out of guilt and fear that God was going to take him from me. I thought something was wrong with him almost the whole time. We had tests done...I called them the old lady tests to make sure he was ok...No health problems associated with trisomy 18, 21 or whatever else. We came out relieved with a positive ultrasound that showed he was good... no health problems. I remember sitting in my friends house and feeling so nervous. I told her that I couldn't shake this feeling that something was wrong. I felt like God was going to punish my baby because of my feelings of not wanting to be pregnant. She assured me that she was pretty sure God did not work that way.
God was working. He had been working and preparing me.
9 years before, Ian's ultrasound had shown a marker for Down Syndrome on his heart. The doctor had told me we could do an amnio to be sure or we could just wait to see if it disappeared in the next ultrasound. I waited. While we waited, we had our Small Group pray for our baby. We prayed that the hole would be gone by the next time and that we would have a perfect, healthy baby boy. I remember Rob and I talking a little about the possibilities. I had told him that I felt like God wanted me to have a baby with Down Syndrome. I didn't know much about it then. I did have this deep feeling about it. By the time the next ultrasound rolled around, the marker was gone and we were pleased, several months later, to have my sweet baby Ian in our arms. :)
The labor and excitement of having this baby, 9 years later, and not being pregnant anymore over took any uneasiness that I had been having all 9 months. He was delivered and they laid him on me. The first thing I saw was his little hand. I squinted and was briefly confused. His hands didn't look like the 3 previous tiny hands that had been laid on my in the very same way. He had short stubby fingers. I said something out loud, but Rob, I think, thought that was a funny thing to notice. Why did that matter? They took him and cleaned him up... but his oxygen level was down. This wasn't unusual for me... Seth was the same way and they had flopped Seth on my skin to skin and his heart and oxygen went right back to normal. God is awesome that way, making mothers
A friend and I were driving home from somewhere. (I don't recall where) We were talking about other friends and their God given mission for their life. We were wondering where our "mission" was. We were envious (in a good way) of their passions in life. They had a "calling", I guess you might say. God had placed something on their heart or in their life. Anyway, we wanted one. I remember us both deciding to pray for it. I did. I prayed for several weeks. I knew were I had been passionate all my life, but I didn't know how to make it a "calling". I began to want one desperately. One of my closest friends had adopted and I had prayed with her before even starting the first adoption for weeks that her path would lead to adopting. We prayed, with others, that God would put a little girl in her family. He was faithful. He was faithful and second time. She continues in her passion to make adoption a way of life in His Church. I have other friends that are passionate about caring for the grieving. They have lost and are passionate for bringing hope to others.
So, I knew my loves and my passions. I have always had something inside me that has a love for other cultures and races. I believe God put that in me. So, I got involved in the ministries that bring me in contact with my loves. My brother has lived with HIV for many years. I have a desire to bring understanding and a love for people with AIDS. Homosexuality and HIV is something I have been a part of since I was a child and I have a strong desire to show love and hope to people in that area.
So I have not been passionless.... I just have lacked ... well, something... I know, now, it was someone.
Those 2 years ago I prayed and prayed. I was pregnant. I was devastated by the loss of that baby. Even more so than the 2 other losses before. Then I was pregnant again. I didn't pray for this one. I prayed, selfishly, for me. Other's prayed for him. When I finally started praying for him, I was praying out of guilt and fear that God was going to take him from me. I thought something was wrong with him almost the whole time. We had tests done...I called them the old lady tests to make sure he was ok...No health problems associated with trisomy 18, 21 or whatever else. We came out relieved with a positive ultrasound that showed he was good... no health problems. I remember sitting in my friends house and feeling so nervous. I told her that I couldn't shake this feeling that something was wrong. I felt like God was going to punish my baby because of my feelings of not wanting to be pregnant. She assured me that she was pretty sure God did not work that way.
God was working. He had been working and preparing me.
9 years before, Ian's ultrasound had shown a marker for Down Syndrome on his heart. The doctor had told me we could do an amnio to be sure or we could just wait to see if it disappeared in the next ultrasound. I waited. While we waited, we had our Small Group pray for our baby. We prayed that the hole would be gone by the next time and that we would have a perfect, healthy baby boy. I remember Rob and I talking a little about the possibilities. I had told him that I felt like God wanted me to have a baby with Down Syndrome. I didn't know much about it then. I did have this deep feeling about it. By the time the next ultrasound rolled around, the marker was gone and we were pleased, several months later, to have my sweet baby Ian in our arms. :)
The labor and excitement of having this baby, 9 years later, and not being pregnant anymore over took any uneasiness that I had been having all 9 months. He was delivered and they laid him on me. The first thing I saw was his little hand. I squinted and was briefly confused. His hands didn't look like the 3 previous tiny hands that had been laid on my in the very same way. He had short stubby fingers. I said something out loud, but Rob, I think, thought that was a funny thing to notice. Why did that matter? They took him and cleaned him up... but his oxygen level was down. This wasn't unusual for me... Seth was the same way and they had flopped Seth on my skin to skin and his heart and oxygen went right back to normal. God is awesome that way, making mothers
a healing spirit to their babies. But when they put Si back on me, it did not help. They took him and worked on him some more. The doctor, that was on call, not my own... came over to me and put his hand on my arms and I saw him praying over me. I looked an wondered what was wrong. I new something wasn't right... just by... something...I guess you just know after having four babies. The nurses decided to take him to the Nurse practitioner to see what needed to be done to help him. I was without him for hours. When Rob went to find out about him... that's a story he can tell.... he came back to my room and looked as white as a sheet. He was scared but I didn't know why. He told me that the nurse had told him that Si looked as if he had down syndrome, failing kidneys, heart problems, etc... I don't even remember the list. I asked if he would live through the night and she said he was stable but he would need to stay in the NICU.
I went through several thought processes that night. Lots of prayers. Lots of fear. Lots of guilt. All I wanted was God to let me keep this baby that I only was able to hold for about 1 minute. I had really only laid eyes on him for a minute or 2. I prayed for his life. Then the following days, I prayed for Rob and my kids. I knew that I was ready to take on this baby whether the genetic testing said he had Down Syndrome or not. But I wanted Rob to be ready. My worry that I had never considered before was how that would affect the other kids. So what do you do when you need to know something badly??? I Googled it. Search: how will my other kids be affected with a baby with down syndrome? :) :) That was an easy answer. All around, the sites told me that siblings of a baby with Down Syndrome is ... more loving, more accepting, more compassionate, more likely to go into the field of Special Education as adults. PERFECT! I'm good. I just needed God to take care of these health issues and feel like Rob was comfortable with this, and I was good to go.
God answered both of these prayers. He is Faithful. This isn't the only answered prayers.... if you've actually made it through this long-winded post, you'll know he answered FAR more than those last 2 prayers. He has been answering my prayers for 10 years. He had been preparing me for this time in my life for, probably, much much longer than 10 years. My love the persecuted and different, for lack of better words, was all moving me forward toward this Calling. He gave me the passion that I prayed for 2 years ago. It's strong... it made me join a group that made me uncomfortable to begin with, because I lacked understanding... it made me control my competitive nature because Si is going to develop at his own rate... it's made me not shy from people looking at me, but long for it so I can show Si's humanity...it's even made me write these crazy serious and seriously long blog posts. All to say that people with down syndrome are incredibly awesome. Si is going to change many people in his life. He has already done it. I will be watching along beside him. I will help when I can. I will encourage him to tell his story. I will help him to know he is special and different and that God made him this way so he can show people God's power. I will try to help him understand why people stare at him and how to smile and show them Jesus's nature. I will encourage him to talk to people about what Trisomy 21 is and how he is just as valuable in God's Kingdom. I will pray for his every move toward God and in God's plan for him.
So this is what God has given me. It's what I asked for. He not only answered my prayer... He changed my life in the process. My prayer, now, is to not squander this gift and passion. But pray every day to be aware of His Presence and what He wants me to do to show His Passion each day.
I pray that my new passion will show His True Passion.
pas·sion
I went through several thought processes that night. Lots of prayers. Lots of fear. Lots of guilt. All I wanted was God to let me keep this baby that I only was able to hold for about 1 minute. I had really only laid eyes on him for a minute or 2. I prayed for his life. Then the following days, I prayed for Rob and my kids. I knew that I was ready to take on this baby whether the genetic testing said he had Down Syndrome or not. But I wanted Rob to be ready. My worry that I had never considered before was how that would affect the other kids. So what do you do when you need to know something badly??? I Googled it. Search: how will my other kids be affected with a baby with down syndrome? :) :) That was an easy answer. All around, the sites told me that siblings of a baby with Down Syndrome is ... more loving, more accepting, more compassionate, more likely to go into the field of Special Education as adults. PERFECT! I'm good. I just needed God to take care of these health issues and feel like Rob was comfortable with this, and I was good to go.
God answered both of these prayers. He is Faithful. This isn't the only answered prayers.... if you've actually made it through this long-winded post, you'll know he answered FAR more than those last 2 prayers. He has been answering my prayers for 10 years. He had been preparing me for this time in my life for, probably, much much longer than 10 years. My love the persecuted and different, for lack of better words, was all moving me forward toward this Calling. He gave me the passion that I prayed for 2 years ago. It's strong... it made me join a group that made me uncomfortable to begin with, because I lacked understanding... it made me control my competitive nature because Si is going to develop at his own rate... it's made me not shy from people looking at me, but long for it so I can show Si's humanity...it's even made me write these crazy serious and seriously long blog posts. All to say that people with down syndrome are incredibly awesome. Si is going to change many people in his life. He has already done it. I will be watching along beside him. I will help when I can. I will encourage him to tell his story. I will help him to know he is special and different and that God made him this way so he can show people God's power. I will try to help him understand why people stare at him and how to smile and show them Jesus's nature. I will encourage him to talk to people about what Trisomy 21 is and how he is just as valuable in God's Kingdom. I will pray for his every move toward God and in God's plan for him.
So this is what God has given me. It's what I asked for. He not only answered my prayer... He changed my life in the process. My prayer, now, is to not squander this gift and passion. But pray every day to be aware of His Presence and what He wants me to do to show His Passion each day.
I pray that my new passion will show His True Passion.
pas·sion
ˈpaSHən/
noun
- 1.strong and barely controllable emotion.2. the suffering and death of Jesus."meditations on the Passion of Christ"
synonyms: crucifixion, suffering, agony, martyrdom More
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