Lily.

I am now convinced that Lily sees inside people. She looks at their outside but sees their heart.  The people that most would look at and say "ugghh" or just not say anything at all... Lily will look at and turn to me and say "mom, she is so pretty or he's handsome". I love this about her.  I used to wonder what she was seeing... Now I just smile and know that God must have given her this special gift and I'm thankful. 

Why, Seth?

I'm blogging about this, in hopes that one day, Seth, you will tell me the answer… Why!…why did you cut a hole in your brand-new pants on the first day of school?  It's clear to me… That you can't tell me right now… So maybe as you are flipping through this book someday that I will get printed, you will tell me the answer that I want to know so badly.

 Till then… 

UPDATE:::/

Me: did Mrs. Gonzalez ask why you had a hole in your pants?

Seth: She already saw it yesterday. 

Me: she did? What did she say?!

Seth: well, I don't remember exactly, but it was A LOT nicer than what YOU said!

Me: .....

Conversations with Seth...

Night before the 1st day of Kindergarten

Run out of the bathroom after his shower. 

Seth:  mom! I'm super clean! I washed with all 3 shampoos and I cleaned my body with them too!

Me: oh awesome!  Let's just get back in... You missed a little bit.... ( a lot). 

Conversation with Seth...

(Rubbing seth's hair in bed before he goes to sleep)

About 5 minutes into silence:

Seth: I want to be shoot-ed out of a canon

Me: ........

Seth: I mean as long as it's into a lake or a pool.... With out alligators or sharks.... Or any fish. 

Me:........ (This is what he got from watching Big Fish today?)

Conversations with Seth...

Mom, will you take a picture of me mooning Ian?

Conversation with Seth... On Father's Day

Lily: (to rob) you guys can cuddle when you get home for Father's Day. 

Seth: I know! You and daddy can cuddle with your lips on each other's lips! (Giggle giggle, smirk smirk)

Spread the Word to End the Word

I LOVE that Spread the Word to End the Word Day falls on my Birthday!  March 2nd.  I just wanted to share a few things about the "R" Word.  I'm very uncomfortable saying the actual word even if it's to educate.  In the same way, you will never hear me say the "N" word or the "F" word.  Now, with the "R" word, this hasn't always been the case.  I remember making jokes...I cringe when I think of a few that have come out of my mouth when I was young.  Up until Si was born I might not have said the R Word but I might have thought people were a little too sensitive and using it at certain times was maybe not appropriate, but no big deal.

It didn't take long for that word to send chills up my spine when I heard it... but it didn't actually hurt me until about 6 months ago.  I'm sharing this to show you how "innocently" it was said, but the hurt it caused me was profound.

Seth was playing Upwards soccer and we had spent many evenings and mornings playing and practicing soccer with different families.  One of the families had been especially fun because they had another boy Si's size and Ian had even spent time playing with them both.  They were a nice family and I could tell the mom was making an effort to train this little guy about sharing and also being patient with other kids.  Well, on the second to last soccer game the grandparents were there.  For some reason I could tell this really escalated the parent's stress level.  They were both competitive...which I'm no stranger to. :)  The boy that was playing soccer was very good most days and a very aggressive player.  But he was also 4 years old... so he would become distracted like most of the players.  On this day, he may or may not have been a little more distracted than other days but the parents were obviously disappointed about the way he was performing in front of the grandparents.  They were making excused for him.  They were yelling.  I thought it was a little sad but I've let my competitive spirit get the best of me also.

Then they said it.

"He's acting like a RETARD!  Why is he being SO RETARDED!"

I mentioned my competitive spirit right?  So, since the day it was confirmed that Silas had Down Syndrome, I have been researching the Special Olympics and sports programs.  I love sports and I've always encouraged my kids in anything they showed interest in and I felt determined to do the same for Si no matter what.  He will not be limited and I had been looking forward to the day he could sign up for soccer.  So the very SECOND those sentences came out of their mouth, I froze.  My heart sank.  My heart felt like it stopped.  I wanted to cry...I did cry.. well I'm teary as I'm writing even.  It hurt so bad.  They didn't say this to Si.  They didn't have him even in their thoughts at any time that day.  But I heard their disappointment, their frustration and their anger they had about their own son's behavior.  All of that equalled their statement.   Does that make sense?  All those feelings that they were showing and feeling... they put it all on my Silas.  The mother said "retarded", what my heart heard was, her turning straight to Silas and saying... You are retarded, you aren't good enough to play with these normal kids, why are you here.  She absolutely did not say that nor did she even feel or think that at any time.  But.... words have impact and words hurt.  Words hurt me that instant.

I know people usually use the word more casually.  And I don't hurt when I hear it usually... not like that.  But I do cringe.  I cringe but I know that in most cases the people aren't trying to make you uncomfortable.  But the point is... that SILAS IS NOT A JOKE.  HE IS NOT YOUR OFF THE CUFF REMARK.  He is my HEART.  And everyone out there that has some sort of intellectual disability is someone's HEART.   

No one has Spread the Word to End the Word like my brother.  This has a special meaning to me.  When I was 8 and found out that he was gay, I went through this same process with he "F" word.  That was very frequently used 30 years ago and I cringed the same way and I hurt the same way.  To see and hear him stand up for Silas makes my soul so happy.  I think God used his life to make me a little more compassionate and feeling person.  And I know God is using Silas to do the same thing for him and for most everyone that meets Si.  My brother would be the first to tell you that he used the "R" word flippantly many times.  But he was also the FASTEST person to stop saying it.  I love him for that.  

I didn't say anything to the family that day.  I hope they thought about it later and regretted it and maybe learned from it.  I maybe need to learn to be a little more assertive.  But for now, I feel like my best way of educating is getting Si out there and into plain sight.  I'll sign him up for Soccer in a year. I'll sign him up for Taekwondo.  He'll play with he Miracle league.  But he must also play and be involved in sports with kids without an intellectual disability...because they HAVE to know him.  The only way people will learn is when they meet Si and others and know that they are just like them.  

With my luck, Si will hate sports.  Oh well, I'll love him anyway.  

SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD